I am in no way defending Nafisa Abdullahi here. I am expressing concern on strong language in the reaction on her outbursts in a video interview, as that has only succeeded in bringing down the building in which many of our daughters live instead of repairing it.
First, was Nafisa’s outburst against marriage a deviant behaviour in Islam or not? I think it is not. Why?
It is because in Islam, marriage is not compulsory. In fact prominent Islamic theologians as Imam Bukhari whose compilation of Hadith is the most authentic of all, Ibn Taymiyyah the jurist and Islamic reformer, as well as Imam Nawawi who compiled Riyad al-Salihin and the famous Arba’una Hadith which was our syllabus in the secondary school in Aliyu Mustapha college, Yola way back in WAEC/GCE 1981, never married. This is even though most knowledge of Islam other than what we have in the Qur’an came from their works. So for me, if Nafisa decides not to marry, it is okay.
But please do not get me wrong. In Islam, marriage is Sunna. In fact the Prophet (SAW) encouraged marriage, and warned against turning away from it without cogent religious excuse. The three theologians we mentioned above did not marry. Why? They did not because of their “lifelong dedication to the rigorous pursuit and dissemination of religious knowledge”. This is a good enough reason not to marry in Islam; provided of course, one can guard himself/herself from committing zina.
Let’s now turn to our sister Nafisa. In the video she made, she gave her own reasons why she does not care about marriage. She said her identity would be swallowed up if she gets married, that a lot of married men expect wives to take on 100% of the domestic and family stress, and that according to her, she would rather focus on her own life than enter a situation where she will “become a servant”.
Are these three reasons given by Nafisa cogent enough for her, as a Muslima, not to get married? My answer is a capital NO. Non of these her reasons is for “rigorous pursuit or dissemination of religious knowledge”. And in addition, because she works in an industry (Kannywood) where men and women mix unhindered, it may be assumed, though there is no proof, that she may not be able to guard herself from committing zina. I am not accusing Nafisa of zina. Unproven accusation of zina is a criminal offence in Islam carrying 80 lashes if unproven the Islamic way. Surah Annur 24:4. Allahu ta’ala a’lam.
Expectedly, wasu Mallamai sun ma Nafisa raddi in the media. She was condemned, while wasu masu ra’ayi kuwa suka ce she only expressed an opinion to which she is entitled.
Though I don’t belong to either side, my believe is that Nafisa who holds that opinion ought to have held it to herself. Even if in Nigeria where she has the freedom to hold and express any opinion as she may wish as provided in section 39 of the constitution, the application of this right includes notable restrictions under the law, and of course, occasional government interference.
So Nafisa threw caution away which she shouldn’t have.
Well, as one who is still working and interacting with many women who could not marry up to a certain age considered “old” in our society, I can only IMAGINE but I cannot be in a position to KNOW how it feels for unmarried woman getting older by the day, without a husband and suffering from failed marriage arrangement.
Nafisa ought not to have expressed the opinion in public because she is free to hold it. This is because she is a role model. A Kannywood star with certain responsibilities. Many young women and even married women who are having difficulty in their marriage, may decide to copy her. For that matter I personally think that even though she has expressed it in public, what Nafisa needs now is help not outright condemnation.
Many women in the world including in Nigeria; particularly in the North, have similar opinions to Nafisa’s. And men are responsible. Nafisa may have experienced it from her friends or relatives who suffer in the hands of irresponsible husbands. As a matter of fact all fathers and mothers fear and pray that this terrible experience do not happen to their daughters. In fact females that were never married such as Nafisa know that in many Muslim countries, it is culture/traditions, not Islamic law of marriage that put down women in many ways than one.
Among the Hausa/Fulani for instance, I have heard people say in Hausa that “aure ibada ne” or as the Fulani say, “teigal dum dewal”. Well, I personally don’t agree with this. What I agree with is YES aure ibada ne” but ba ibadar bautawa miji ba ne. Ibadar bautawa Allah ne. That’s what most of us do not understand. Matarka ba baiwar ka bace. Islam does not agree with wife beating or ka zama mugu who insults your wife or kayi insisting “tashi” ta tashi or “zauna” ta zauna as Nafisa puts it.
Again we need to understand Nafisa from another perspective. She may have been influenced by other things she experienced which some of us may not have experienced. Peoples’ thinking and behaviour is a combination of many factors. To begin to compare Margaret Thatcher or the Queen of England, who are married, with Nafisa who isn’t married at the age of 35 is question begging.
From my experience as a lawyer with knowledge of social behaviour, I know why individuals behave in a particular way. Through the study of criminology and sociology of crimes, I have come to realise long ago that people with no religious background, or from environments with cultural context different from ours, or born in circumstances such as being from unstable family backgrounds or born into poverty, may behave contrary to their society’s norms.
Here now comes the role of the Hisba in Muslim societies. When I said this lady, Nafisa, needs help, what I mean is for Mallamai masu condemning Nafisa in the media su taimaketa. A kirata a boye, a mata nasiha. Who knows whether her husband is near. Nafisa may be in pains.
You can never feel her pain since you don’t wear her shoes.
What I gathered in the internet, Nafisa is not as unsophisticated as some people think. She was born in Jos, attended an Airforce primary school in Jos and went to Government Girls Secondary School, Dutse, Abuja. She graduated with a degree in Thetre Arts from the University of Jos, as well as in Photography from the London School of Photography.
