Re: Life expectancy and marrying at old age

Allow me to respond to the above-titled piece which not only made an interesting reading but raised salient issues as well.

However, in giving a counter – even though not necessarily opposing – narrative to the sound arguments of the writer, I will toe the line of theology as well as common sense which, as they say, is not really common.

To be fair to Sadiq Ibrahim Dasin, he is not the first to argue against old men taking young women as wives, and he will not be the last. Even the late Sheikh Ja’afar Mahmud Adam raised his objection, but concluded that it is not forbidden in Islam.

You see, as the Holy Qur’an says in Chapter (Sūratul Ahzāb) 33, verse 21, “Indeed, in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent example for whoever has hope in Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah often.”

Using the above verse as a guide, it is a recorded fact that Prophet Muhammad (Peace be Upon Him) married a women that was much older than him, same way he married another that was much younger than him in his lifetime.

What I mean to say here is that it is permissible in Islam for people to marry those that are younger or older than them in age, and there is wisdom in this. I remember when a senior citizen of this country (now late) married an 18-year-old girl around the year 2000 or so.

Many advanced arguments for and against, but the one that stuck to my brain is the one that raised some posers before arriving at a conclusion. The man said if truly the then bride was 18, was not forced into the marriage, did not run away despite knowing her husband’s age, then people should just mind their business.

He said it would have been wrong if the girl was forced into it, or if she happened to be below the age allowed by Nigerian law or something along the same line. Some call it ‘old wine in new bottle.’

The man did not stop at that; he asked what would have been the reaction of the people if the so-called old man was found engaging in illicit affairs with the girl. Your guess is as good as mine.

I know many will say that this is not the argument advanced by Sadiq and I agree. But I also insist that the difference may be that of six and half a dozen. The usual fear is that the man may die and leave the young woman with orphans that she may find difficult to train.

I also remember one man in Yola, Adamawa State. The man (now late) came into riches courtesy of some of his well-to-do kids and he quickly formed the habit of marrying young wives and divorcing them once they give birth. In few years he had fathered seven children with seven different young wives. Eventually, his children took the hard decision of stitching him off. You would say, they took decision based on what became apparent to them.

But let’s read Sadiq in his own words: “What I have been advising against is old men marrying young girls and producing children at old age. These type of men, as I have always said, either die and leave small children for their older children to take care of when the older children already have their own children to take care of, or the children are off loaded onto the streets, after their death.”

I believe Sadiq made a valid argument here, but he should also know that only the Almighty Allah knows who will die first between the old man and his young wife. It is not impossible that many young women will die before their old husbands. It is also true that some old men will try to have children when they are young, but it won’t happen until late.

Some of the kids we see on the streets were not necessarily seared by old men who died and left them behind. What would shock you is the fact that the parents of many of these kids are alive, but irresponsible. Many true orphans have grown up to become successful and responsible individuals, in a way that those with parents have not.

There are also some who will ‘how can an old man satisfy the sexual needs of a young women?’ Others will describe it as a recipe for disaster, meaning the young woman may be pushed into infidelity to satisfy her urge, in the event her old husband falters. This is both true and false, because there are quite a number of young men who cannot sexually satisfy their young wives for medical or other reasons.

Some young men ‘abandon’ their young wives in the name of searching for better opportunities far away from home and thereby leaving their wives vulnerable. There was a well-known man in Kaduna who used to give accommodation to migrant workers, but would insist in the young men visiting their wives from time to time.

He would jokingly ask them, “What and what did you leave behind for your wife before coming?” And many would say “a bag of maize, a bag of millet, some money and the likes.” And he would then ask “what about when night comes?” So old age may be a factor, but it is not to blame for some of our shortcomings.

So, what exactly am I trying to say? My argument is simple. We should not stop old men from marrying young women, unless we are ready for the shameful and illicit conduct that would come from our senior men. Some things have been sealed by fate and there is little we can do to change them.